Sunday, September 11, 2016

High Anxiety!

There are many forms of anxiety disorders out there. Some of you may suffer from one or more.

There are Panic Disorders, Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) plus a number of phobias.

They cause us to basically lose it. We cannot function normally.

Well if that sounds familiar, perhaps you suffer from DAD or Dolfan Anxiety Disorder.

Here are some symptoms to check and see if you need to go into therapy:

1) Unable to pay attention to any conversation prior to Kick Off.
2) You constantly change Game Jerseys trying to determine the lucky one for a win.
3) You have cold or sweaty hands or feet despite putting them in an oven or freezer.
4) You put your hands or feet in an oven or freezer.
5) You adjust the DIRECTV Dish angles every 10 minutes to maximize your signal.
6) You don't eat all morning worrying about the injury reports.
7) You eat all morning after seeing the injury reports.
8) You throw your family out of the house just before kick off.
9) Your blood pressure rises above 160 when the phone rings 1 minute before kick off.
10) You scream at Coach Gase or another coach or player or ref even though you know they cannot hear you 3000 miles away.
11) You pace so much between plays that your flooring wears out.
12) You throw things including f Bombs even though your 4 year old daughter is on your lap.
13) You jump out of your chair after a TD even though your 4 year old daughter is on your lap.
14) Your spouse threatens to leave you and you give her the keys to your car.
15) You have to reach into your throat to push your heart back in place.
16) Your entire sense of happiness and purpose evolves around today's game and its outcome.
17) You sit in a darkened closet after every loss.

If you see yourself experiencing any of these symptoms please dial 9-1-1 immediately.

I have attached a blood pressure sleeve to my arm and if it hits 170 it automatically shuts off my TV.

I tend to miss a lot of plays.

Stay healthy and Phins Up!!!

Carl Leone
Dolfan since 12/25/1971
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I will have dump the NFL forever syndrome if one dolphin grab azzzzes during the national anthem. Also pounce has a hip fracture. They are saying two weeks? Bull, he is done for the year if true.


I think if they do anything it would be to join the Seahawks by interlocking arms.

I just hope they don't start singing "Kumbaya".


Well, we had 4 morons show their asses, our moronic owner is ok with this, fine, I'm done. Good luck Miami, hockey season starts soon.