Tuesday, January 05, 2016

The Parcells Dolphins or The Miami Parcells or just The Parcells Parcells

Note:  This is my first blog post to this site.  I would like to thank Dave for starting this bitchin' blog and allowing me to contribute.  I have been a Dolphins fan since 1969, was born and raised in South Florida, and, through my travels in life, have continued to follow this team.




Yesterday, the Miami Dolphins held a press conference to introduce their new GM, Chris Grier.  As a fan, it wasn't exactly a reassuring event. Clearly Tannebaum is the acting GM, not Chris Grier.  Sure Chris Grier read a statement that came across as prepared by a PR team, but it wasn't exactly a convincing reading.  He said "I'm excited about the opportunity", "I love this team", and "I love this community" nervously, as if his ninth grade English teacher asked him to read some stilted  poetry aloud, for the first time, in front of the class.  Later, after Tannebaum spoke for 15 minutes, Grier answered the first question by telling us "the dysfunction is over", and then the following question with, essentially, "no comment".  When it come to the only thing we really care about, actual football, Tannebaum did all of the talking. It was Tannebaum talking about where the team need to go and it was Tannebaum's football philosophy that was enunciated, not Grier's.

So, we had a press conference where we were shown a guy (Grier) who was named the GM of a football organization saying nothing that wasn't approved by his bosses, which started off with him speaking - in the least exciting way - about his "excitement" at being Dolphins GM, followed by some words about the the all import "end of dysfunction", and ending with a whole lot of nothing about nothing.  And then another guy (Tannebaum), who the team has said is most certainly not the GM, talking like the football GM, giving football philosophies, talking about the past trials and future direction of the roster and team.  In short, it was just another case of this team and its leadership being dishonest to its fans.  As dysfunctional and unexciting as always.

And so here we are again.  Last year was the last time Hickey failed Tannebaum.  And, like any dysfunctional organization with a convoluted power structure, someone needs to be in line to get force choked the next time the org  comes out of hyperspace too early.  In fact the new GM's employee manual clearly states: "Welcome Admiral Grier, you are now in charge.  Do exactly what Darth Tannebaum tells you to, and we won't start passing out all those "Fire Chris" sings we printed.  Unless, of course, if Tannebaum tells you to do something really dumb.  You must still do it, but know we are going to pass those "Fire Chris" signs out anyway.  But do not fear, at that point you may be able to network with Hickey if he isn't pissed at you for taking his job..."

This is a piss poor management strategy.  Most Dolphins fans have seen right through this dungus, and its why we aren't going to games anymore.   Its  also why we never see any fan comments saying we should have fired Hickey.  Instead, we read everywhere fans calling for the owner to sell the team.  And I think us fans are right.

And so, here we are.  More of the same.

But the thing that bothered me most about the press conference was that Bill Parcells was mentioned at least 7 times.  Maybe if Tannebaum would have talked about the coaching philosophies of Don Shula I might have listened, but instead the press conference was the philosophies as learned from Papatine ...erp...  Parcells.

I get it. Word is that Bill Parcells has the ear of Ross, where the real business gets done, on the golf course.  And Bill Parcells is the mentor for all of these front office hires.  And these are his guys, and they are all loyal to Bill and anyone who was loyal to Hickey got fired.  Fine.  We have to accept the the real man behind the curtain is same guy responsible for Chad Henne and Tony Sparano. 


The thing that this ownership and front office doesn't seem to comprehend is that, by and large, most long time Miami Dolphins fans don't give a damn about Parcells.  Personally, being a fan for over 45 years, I kind of hate the guy.  I think most long time Dolphins fans do.  Parcells has done NOTHING for this team.  And, we already have a Coach Emeritus that did great things - legendary things - for several decades.  Don Shula is The Man.  Met him in person twice, both times a very class act.  Plus he was a great coach - literally the best.  When Shula was coaching, this team was all about one thing - Winning.


Yea, I hate Parcells because we are wasting time talking about the philosophies of a mediocre coach with a notoriously difficult personality, when we could be talking about perhaps the greatest coach in football history, and one that has done so much for the community and team alike. I'm right about this, and you Dolphins fans know it.  Parcells ain't no Don Shula, he's just a mediocre football mind working out his ego issues with our team.


Fact is, Bill Parcells may be the most over-hyped coach in the history of the NFL.  He benefits from a few good years in the 1980s in front of the New York media.  Parcells won one Super Bowl with a great team and Ray Finkled his way to a second Super Bowl with another great team.  But, both those Giants teams were built before the salary cap by an owner who wanted to open the wallet big.  After that, with the salary cap in place, Parcells was a head coach with various teams averaging less than 9 wins per season, and only won a division twice in 10 years.  Pick any 10 year period for Shula, and his record beats Parcells last 10 years in any metric - percentage, wins, division crowns, playoff wins, and playoff appearances.  Yet somehow the media revers this Parcells as one of the greatest coaches in history?  Balderdash!

But, the most telling thing about Bill Parcells is his time at the Patriots.  Parcells had just been to the Super Bowl with the Patriots and lost, but on draft day he threw a tantrum and quit because he couldn't pick his player in the second round.  Instead Robert Kraft had put together a front office team to do the "grocery shopping".  This front office had already assembled one Super Bowl team - with Parcells as coach, and its essentially the same front office doing the grocery shopping today.  This is the same front office team that allows Bellicheat to plug in some no-name 7th round pick because of injury and have that 7th rounder end up an all pro.  The same front office that is perennially favored to win the AFC East, has been in the playoffs nearly every year and won 5 Super Bowls.  As much as it kills me to say it, those grocery shoppers do good football.  And Parcells walked away from that because he couldn't have complete, 100% control.  What this says is Parcells is all about his Ego.  Parcells isn't about winning he's about Parcells.

And with Parcells being the man behind the curtain in Davie, that makes the Miami Dolphins not about winning, but all about Bill Parcells.

Sorry Dolfans, were stuck with this until Parcells stops letting Ross win in golf, or Ross sells team.  Kinda makes me wish Shula would still golf... but we all know he would never let Ross win.
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22 comments

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Your post is way too long!

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@Perry

Ha! Thanks. I had a lot to say. You are welcome read as little as you like.

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Brilliant. You speak for me.

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Great read. I couldn't agree more about overrated Parcells. Ross is the real problem with this team.

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Wow, that was a great article

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Been a Dolfan since 1970 and I agree. Parcells is an overrated bag of wind and Ross needs to get his head out of Parcell's ass. It shows Ross is a clueless (albeit nice guy) football guy and he's gullible. He gravitates towards "big names" because he feels safe. He needs to sell the team to Marino & some investors and put the "football" back in the ownership and therefore the front office!!
GReat article and who cares if's it's long if it makes sense? How many articles do you see that are journalistic crap?

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Been a Dolfan since 1970 and I agree. Parcells is an overrated bag of wind and Ross needs to get his head out of Parcell's ass. It shows Ross is a clueless (albeit nice guy) football guy and he's gullible. He gravitates towards "big names" because he feels safe. He needs to sell the team to Marino & some investors and put the "football" back in the ownership and therefore the front office!!
GReat article and who cares if's it's long if it makes sense? How many articles do you see that are journalistic crap?

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I've never liked Parcells. I don't know why Ross is so high on him. We've been mediocre at best ever since he started getting involved with the team.

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Do you happen to remember the player that Parcells was not allowed to pick, the player that lead to the "shop for the groceries" comment?

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Do you happen to remember the player that Parcells was not allowed to pick, the player that lead to the "shop for the groceries" comment?

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Do you happen to remember the player that Parcells was not allowed to pick, the player that lead to the "shop for the groceries" comment?

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Do you happen to remember the player that Parcells was not allowed to pick, the player that lead to the "shop for the groceries" comment?

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I'm sorry. I don't know how my comment got posted 4 times.

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@chewee2k - The player Parcells wanted was Tony Brackens, and the one they picked was Terry Glenn. While I don't think Brackens was a bad player, I'd have preferred Glenn. But the real point isn't that one side was more "right" than the other - though the Patriots have shown to be much better talent evaluators than Parcells - its that Parcells left because he needs complete control. There is a 1997 quote from Kraft on why this didn't work out for the Patriots: http://www.nytimes.com/1997/02/01/sports/parcells-seeking-new-kitchen.html

'Yesterday Kraft said he could not give Parcells the authority he wanted because ''you can't have the business dependent on just one person.'' ''It's just common sense,'' he said. ''What happens when that person isn't there?'' '

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''What happens when that person isn't there?''

You get the mess we now call the Miami Dolphins.

Jimmy Johnson
Dave Wannstead
Nick Saban
Bill Parcells

All had "complete control" of the front office.

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This was a great read. Since I was born in 1990 I didnt get to enjoy any of the Shula days and never witnessed anything good come from Parcells. Shula is basically just a legendardy ghost to my generation and Bill Parcells is a bum in our eyes. Parcells came to miami to save this team and all he did was waste our time. His hand picked coach Sporano was a bad coach whos scemes were way outdated in a passing league, and as we all know Jeff Ireland brought nothing but shame and dissapointment to Miami. Parcells fled with a year left on his contract when he saw that "Chad Henne was farther behind in his developement" then he shouldve been in year 3. Parcells only got one thing right ever and he doesnt deserve revered for it. Size and speed matter. Congrats parcells, in a game of size and speed, size and speed is no exception. Congrats. Other than that he has SUCKED. His philisophies are outdated and his record in this millenium speaks for itself. Why he is so highly regarded is beyond me. How can we get good going forward when all Dolphins ownership and fans talk about is the past? Screw Parcells, I agree with you, I hate the guy too. If someone has worked for him, great for them but it shouldnt be a damn prerequisite to work for the team. OVERATED.

Also, with the Tannebaum deal, Tannenbaum is running the team and now its clear. So they can prop other guys up to try and take the blame for his stupidity like spending 20 million py on a DT but hes in charge and were aware. So he will be held accountable in the publics eyes. I actually am open minded to Tannebaum as he had good success in drafts in NY but the organization should be more honest about who is REALLY in charge.

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@Phinsfan54zt - Thanks for the kind words. I think you nailed it:
" If someone has worked for him, great for them but it shouldnt be a damn prerequisite to work for the team. " Exactly!

Tom Coughlin and Sean Peyton are the only coaching candidates that I know of with Parcells on their resume. I suppose both would come with instant credibility to the players, which this locker room needs. But I don't see how Coughlin works out, he looks like JJ part 2. I expect him to retire for good within the next few years.

Sean Peyton would be interesting, he's done some very good things and done some really dumb things. The weird front office situation in NOLA hasn't helped him. I really don't care about the 2nd round pick need to get him, because I don't think the clowns in the Dolphins front office would know what to do with it. Hopefully Peyton's learned from his mistakes, and would be willing to come to a team where he doesn't have complete control.

If we don't get one of those two, then I expect these jokers to hire some coordinator with no previous experience. The last thing they want is a head coach with no loyalty to Parcells coming in with a set coaches loyal to him and not Parcells and Tannebaum. It is too much of a threat to their power.

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@FinFanNJ
I don't know if Marino can buy the team, but he certainly has my support if he does.

Thanks for the kind words. Regarding the length of the post, to each their own. I wrote this because I'm pissed at the team, not because it would be a quick read. For the ones that complained about the length of the post, I'm reminded of a poem that starts: "There once was a girl from Nantucket who though my post was too long..."

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@Gary Grimes - Thanks!

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@Sol Ridgeway - I'm glad the message resonates with other fans. Good to know I'm not the only one fed up with this nonsense.

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@Sean Hawkshead - Agreed. Ross ultimately holds the keys to fixing this mess. He could sell the team. And if he doesn't want to do that, he could at least take a good look at what the Patriots have done, letting quantitative analysis effectively run the personnel decisions. Hickey was a step in that direction, but, unfortunately, numbers show no loyalty to Parcells. So Hickey and his analysis had to go.


As long as Ross continues to allow someone like Parcells guide his decisions, rather than think for himself (or at least copy what works), then we've got this mess. One can only hope that Ross gets sick of it and sells the team once he's developed his Super Bowl ready stadium.