Wednesday, October 30, 2013

There Will Be "NO CANDY" After 8 PM Tomorrow Night!

Let the word go forth to Goblins and Gouls alike, to Spidermen and Princesses galore, that the Police tape is going up on my sidewalk at 8 PM Holloween night, with a big neon sign bearing the words that all generations shall take pause, "NO CANDY"!

That's right. This year I am saving some bucks by not giving out any candy after 8 PM.

Its not like I am the Holloween Scrooge. Oh no. I happen to adore Holloween. The kids are so polite and thankful. I like to give out mini bars of Snickers, Almond Joys, Milky Ways, Butter Fingers and Reese's.  The kids never complain.

But this year will be different.  I am drawing the line at 8 PM.  Even though I adore seeing the kids dressed to the "T"s as their favorite characters, there is one thing I adore even more.  And unfortunately for those wonderful kids, they are not even a close second.  Its a blow out!

I am sorry but I absolutely love the Miami Dolphins!  More than anything else, other than my Mom and family.  And even that is a tight race.

If my best friend, who happens to be a fan of whomever we are playing that week, needed my left kidney immediately or he would die and the Dolphins were playing at that moment, I would certainly call his Mom and offer to speak at his funeral.

Come tomorrow night, we host the Cincinnati Bengals with a kick off scheduled for 8:25 PM on the NFL Network up here in Jersey.  So that means at 8 PM sharp the Police tape goes up and there shall be no good souls within earshot of me.  I will require no distractions.  

Yes, I know, I can put some candy outside in a bucket or large tupperware bowl with a sign "Take One".  But guess what?  Then I will hear them coming up the sidewalk and, more importantly, they will be able to hear me.

Depending on how this game goes, I could very well be shouting obscentities at the TV the very moment that adoreable Cinderella reaches for that tempting Snickers bar.  No parent wants their little kids joyously traversing my walkway only to have to grab them and haul them away because they think some nut job lives inside.  Which can actually happen, again, depending on how this game goes.

So for the children's sake, I will not give them any treats after 8 PM.

Thank God I don't live on the West Coast, because then this game would be starting at 5:25 PM.  Peak Trick or Treat hours commencing at kickoff!!

I would have to move.  I kid you not.  Pull up the Van Lines trailer, wheel out the furniture and point her east immediately!!!

Carl Leone
Dolfan since 12/25/1971
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I figure I'll TiVo the game and watch it later - after the kids are gone. In the meantime I'm going to dress up as something truly scary: a dolphins fan!!


LOL...the kids may have pity on you and give you candy!


LOL...the kids may have pity on you and give you candy!