Wednesday, April 10, 2013

If I were Jeff Ireland with the 12th Pick...by Carl Leone

Granted, I am not.

However, if I were, this is what I would do with our 12th pick:

Trade down to 15 with the Saints who may be willing to do this because they need defensive help as do the Bucs at 13 and the Panthers at 14.  If the Saints' man is still standing at 12, they may not want to risk losing him to the Bucs or Panthers and would be willing to give us their 3rd round pick in exchange for the 1st round switch.  Then after the Saints, Bucs and Panthers grab their defensive players we can set up Tannehill with another weapon, i.e. Tavon Austin.

Why Austin? Because of the sheer pressure that we would put on any defense in the league and more importantly, the NFL League Office demands it.
That's right, the LEAGUE itself demands it!

Never before have the rules tilted the playing field so far in favor of the Offense as it does today. Breathe on a wide out...5 yards! Look nasty in their direction...5 more!

The governing body wants scoring, wants action, wants fans spending gajillions on T-shirts and Jerseys and Hats and Sweatshirts and Tickets and DIRECTV! They want ratings and our complete obsession with everything NFL.

How best do they achieve this? Well since you asked, with scoring and tons of it. I am talking Dump Truck loads heading down the Florida Turnpike, right past the landfill and straight into the Sun Life Stadium parking lot. 

Beep. Beep. Beep..."Come on back. That's good right there. Ok, dump it in the end zone!!"

That's exactly what would happen with Wallace, Hartline, Keller and Austin lined up outside of Tannehill. It would be too much speed to contend with and too bad for those trying to contend with it. Scoring, scoring and more scoring. You would think Wilt Chamberlain was out on a date.

The league would give us every game at home and at 1 PM.  Yes they would. Yaha. The ratings would dictate it! We would have our own Channel similiar to the YES Network or the NFL Network. DolphsTV on channels 2, 3, 4, 7-29, 32-99 and All HD channels. HBO would go off the air. They couldn't get a channel in any cable lineups!

You say pick a lineman.  I say Blocking Schmocking.  Just get in their way for 1.5 seconds.  Put a helmet on the water boy..."Now listen kid, just fall on the ground right in front of them. They will have to jump over you! Trust me kid. Besides we got plenty of helmets and plenty of water boys."

We could cut the punter. As a matter of fact get rid of the place kicker too. Too much money for kicking extra points. Hmmm...long snapper back your bags. We're going for two each and every possession!

Each year we would invite the President to our house. Why travel all the way up to Washington? After all we would have a much higher Approval Rating anyway.

It just snow balls from there. Utterly amazing isn't it. How just one little phone conversation between Jeff Ireland and the Saints changes the whole dynamic of the entire league, cable TV as we know it and, of course, wardrobes across America.

Hmmm. Will anyone else be wearing their Miami Dolphins Pinstripe Suit at work today? Who cares, its my favorite and I am wearing it again!!! 

Carl Leone
Dolfan since 12/25/1971
carldleone@aol.com
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