From "The Onion" on 11/29/07
MIAMI—Ricky Williams, the troubled running back whose career has been marred by repeated drug-test failures and whose recent return to the NFL was met with speculation regarding his past marijuana use and current state of mind, is in fact the most mentally stable member of the Miami squad at this time, according to sources close to the team. "Ricky is totally focused on running the ball at this time, unlike our doubt-addled quarterback, our delusional head coach, and our punch-drunk defense," said a member of the Dolphins coaching staff, who also stated that "they are all out to get [him]"and asked not to be named. "Ricky's actually the only guy on this team who seems really mellow, laid-back, and relaxed, and also still has any appetite at all." Williams declined to comment on his mental state, instead inviting reporters into his apartment to just hang out, eat cheese corn, and play Katamari Damacy on his PlayStation.