Friday, September 01, 2006

And now its time for the annual preseason awards

  • Thurman Thomas award given each year to the player who manages to lose his
    helmet during a game (and since Thurman played here one year, it seems only fair):

    This year, we didn't have an incidents regarding lost or misplaced helmets, so we'll take this opportunity to send an award up to the Phins first opponent this season, and in particular Ben Rothlisberger, since he left his helmet at home when he went out to ride his motorcycle.

    [editor's note: riding a motorcycle is stupid. riding a motorcycle without a helmet is stupider. we urge our younger readers to not ride motorcycles]

  • The battle of the bulge given each year to the player who tips the scales, and
    who in older days would have required a cattle scale to weigh in
    :
    Keith "Tractor" Traylor looked like he was a shoe-in to win this....until Big Daddy
    came to town. They don't call him Big Daddy for nothing. He is listed at 340, but appears to be more than that.

  • Dude with the best job outside of footballThis award is given annually to the
    guy who has more to his life than football.
    How could I pass on the opportunity to compare Joe Toledo once again to John Belushi. They look so much alike, I want to ask Joe if he was known as Bluto in college.

  • Offseason cheerleader moment award A new award, this is given to the cheerleader
    who had a "memorable" offseason.

    Alas, there were no "fun" moments this offseason. But, we did have one of the cheerleaders (Bailey) delivering season tickets to herself. That's not what we had in mind in the spirit of the award, but it was pretty funny. And I'm sure a little embarassing to to the front office.

  • The Yatil Green memorial award, as demonstrated by Will Poole given each year to the player who injures
    himself very early in training camp
    : Well, whaddya know? Will Poole wins the award for the second year in a row! Good for you!

  • The Ricky Williams award Given to the guy who simply quits
    on the team
    This is a no brainer, and Manny Wright is the man for the job. But, hey, Manny, we don't want you to cry about it.

  • Guy with the biggest change in attitude This is a brand spankin' new award, given to a player who suddenly "gets it" and decides to turn over a new leaf Who better than our own "Reggie Mexico" who hasn't held up a single McDonalds, nor gotten an underage girl drunk in his time here.
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